Currently, it is not hard to come across women of all ages complaining of lack of good men. It is not uncommon to hear some saying, ‘All the good men are the taken,’ ‘I can’t seem to find Mr. Right’. While one might dismiss this, saying that women are ‘too independent’ or ‘too demanding’, it is clear that all women would like to have a fulfilling relationship, regardless of their status in the society.
Dr. Chris Hart’s Single and Searching is a book meant for all those single women who are looking to settle down. It highlights some of issues that women encounter when they are looking for the ‘right’ men with whom they want to settle down.
Single and Searching has 9 chapters, each tackling different issues. The best thing about it is that you do not have to read the chapters in succession; you can start anywhere you fancy.
The First chapter ‘Why Get Married Anyway’ will let you in on everything- well almost everything- that marriage is all about. The concept of Marriage vs. Singlehood is outlined. Should you get married or should you just move in? You are in for a good read on the current trends on relationships and how it affects you, personally.
Those who have dated without any success will find insight in the second chapter – What goes Wrong. Dr. Hart highlights the wrong things that women do when they are dating, ranging from bringing baggage from past relationships into the dating scene to falling for guys who will not treat them right. Apart from highlighting these problems, he goes ahead and provides the different solutions that will guide you to success.
“The key rule for being successful in the mating game is not, as you might think understanding what makes your potential partner tick. The person you should first understand is YOU, preferably before you start looking for a long-term partner.”
So says the third chapter. Dr. Hart emphasizes on understanding a person’s individual characteristics before they venture out to understand others. He not only tackles the biology but also the psyche of the female species.
The following chapter highlights the male psych, and in reading this, the women will be able to understand the reaction of men to different situations. Dr. Hart uses different case studies to drive the point home.
Once they understand the different sexes and their reactions, the next step is to create a strategy. In Chapter 5, Dr. Hart highlights different strategies that women can put in place so that they have success when dating, and eventually settling down. The strategy incorporates the time, the place and of course, what to look out for.
First impressions are important, and Dr. Hart handles it expertly in chapter 6. He maps out the steps that a woman should use in different scenarios, emphasizing that it is always the woman who leads the whole courtship process. The whole process from discerning a man who is interested, to the invitation, building the connection to saying goodbye is in this chapter. You will also know what to do if you are not interested in a person.
Single and Searching will give tips on the first date. From getting ready to conducting oneself on a date to the perfect ending, the book has all the strategies to use. Dr. Hart acknowledges the dates from hell, and gives tips on how to check out the signs of one.
Besides the dating process, Single and Searching also provides guidelines on ‘Becoming a Couple’. With different case scenarios, it highlights difference between love and infatuation, the timeline of becoming a couple- what the couples should do, and when, what to look out for in him and whether he is the one to marry.
In the last chapter, the book will map out the milestone towards a proposal and what is to be done. Dr. Hart cites marriage traditions from different cultures and explains the traditions that have become the norm today.
Read this book if you have spent a lot of time and money looking for the right partner. Dr. Hart agrees that the outcome will not be immediate, and calls for patience and practice.
You can buy Single and Searching in Bookstores in Kenya as well as supermarkets in Nairobi.
Dr. Chris Hart is a psychologist, a relationship expert and a newspaper columnist. Besides that, he appears frequently on TV and radio. He also runs a website- www.nyumbayangu.com.