I can see you are staring at me with your eyes wide open as if you want me to tell it all. Alright, I will. But why is your face so sad? You look like you have just arrived from a night running affair, like a wizard. Sorry, I don’t mean to offend you. Your eyes are red and swollen. Have you been crying? Where is Ashada? Please tell me. Please… please… please… just tell me where he is and how he is doing?
Now that you have decided to keep so quite on me I will tell you what happened to me today in the morning, so that you can talk to me. I kissed a guy. You see, I am that type of a lady who has not fallen in love before. I have always told myself If I have to kiss one, it better not be a superficial affair, let alone going beyond kissing which is a topic for another day. I like depth. It has to be deep. I mean the relationship. However, today in the morning when I was going to work it happened. Even though, it was not really a date.
I cannot say that this guy is a stranger since we have been saying hi every morning. In fact, we had gone beyond saying hi and done a lot more. His name is Ashada. He lives in the neighboring flat and drives a red car. I heard Odusa mention that it is an Opel Astra. Odusa is my next door neighbor who is very wordy and seems to know all the “whys, hows, wheres, whos and when” of the neighborhood. I suspect he probably knows what has happened to me today in the morning.
I remember clearly that chilly morning as if it happened yesterday. It was drizzling. I was rushing home with my umbrella tightly held in my hand. I hopped and skipped the muddy waters in the path that led to my flat. Just then I saw Ashada. He was covering his head with a newspaper. He was no different from those who walked in the rain without anything to cover themselves with. I smiled to myself.
“Hi, Sorry…… for the …” I said.
“Hi, Abigael. Its o.k. you don`t have to apologize I am o.k.”
“Are you sure? We can share this” He accepted my request. It was the first time we were having a long conversation save for the introduction the previous week. He had just moved in the flat. I had developed some keen interest. I would not be lying to say that I was attracted to him. I really did not believe in love at first sight….. But there was something about Ashada. There was just something.
It was a random conversation that was about nothing in particular. I noticed he paid furtive glances at me. He explained to me that he had lent out his car to someone.
“A friend? That must be a close one!” I was perplexed. He talked about the person who was a lady. My heart cringed in vile. “……but I thought this guy is single” I wondered frantically. “Poor me…..” I said to myself. I blamed, blamed and blamed myself for reasons I didn`t even have. “Why is it not me? But I thought I sent him enough signals.” I thought.
“……, that is why she had to take the car,” He cut my wandering mind.
I could not bring myself to ask him to come again. The missing link was gone. Just then I reached the gate to my flat. He thanked me and we parted ways. I could not sleep well that night. I asked myself what I had not done right. I was so confused.
As I lay on the bed, I stared at his number in desperation. You see, let me confess, I had developed strong feelings for Ashada. Things were not progressing as I had anticipated. I was throwing in the towel. I had sent him subtle messages. His script was blank. I never understood if he was interested or not. He replied my messages well enough but I needed more than just that. I looked forward to having date yet he never did though he once implied that one day we would hook up for coffee. I was emotionally drained. ………….then comes the lady friend? That is the day I decided to forget about the whole thing.
“Unchain the bird from your heart, if it is yours it will come back to you” I consoled myself.
Were it not for Odusa, I wouldn`t have revived my interest in Ashada. Yesterday morning I was doing my weekly thorough cleaning when Odusa saw me.
“Hi, Abigail, you have become so quite nowadays,”
“Hi, Odusa yea I have to.” I replied uninterestedly since I didn`t want to further the conversation.
I was not feeling like discussing with him anything since he was too intrusive to be brushed off.
“By the way, your friend Ashada is in a big mess.”
Odusa was determined to catch my attention and so it was. He explained to me that Ashada worked for the Intelligence Services Department at the headquarters. He was working on a scandalous story of a senior government official and his life was in danger. All I knew was Ashada worked in the government offices as a personal assistant to a senior police officer but he never disclosed to me the details. He kept avoiding that subject. At that point, I started putting two and two together.
I was alarmed! So I called him six times but he did not pick his phone. All the earlier feelings of attraction gushed back to my heart and I was disturbed. I went over to his house to look for him but he was not in. I waited till evening and decided to go and check on him. I found him and heaved a sigh of relief. He welcomed me to his house. I could see he was disturbed. I asked him to explain to me what was happening with his life.
He told me that he was having problems with his bosses. His phone was confiscated in the office. I wanted to know why he did not tell me the truth about where he worked. He was shocked. He told me that he had explained to me that day we shared the umbrella.
“You remember, Alda the one I gave my car once? Yes, she is my boss. Actually she had instructed my car to be used by a different colleague on some assignment”. He said.
He told me he did not want me to get involved in his job and that is why he kept a distance. His life was always monitored. Any person who ever came on his way was also monitored.
“I have been waiting for you to come. I knew you would one day. Come…… and see,” He said. He led me to his dining room. On the wall were notes, arranged neatly in a pattern. They were all addressed to me! They all had different dates .I took the most recent date and read it.
Abigael, my love.
Open your eyes… see.
The love I have,
Waiting, like a volcano,
At the opportune time.
I read the oldest date.
Abigael?? Seems nice. Project #1.
My heart began to pound hard, so hard. Tears welled up in my eyes. My feet gave way and I fell on his arms. He held me tight so tight that I almost choked. Then a thought crossed my mind. “Run, run, run he is a liar.” I disengaged myself from the hug and took off. Yes that is what I did yesterday.
So today in the morning, when I was going to work. I saw the red Opel Astra. I hurried away. I did not want to see him. I was full of fear, apprehension and disillusionment and at the same time, pleased. He actually loved me yet I did not believe it. That is what I longed for .That was my dream. It has been five months since I met him.
He drove and halted in front of me. He was pleading for forgiveness. A crowd was gathering to enjoy the free-for- all- drama. He asked me to join him in the car. I wanted less public stint and I obliged. I listened to him. He asked to be forgiven over what happened yesterday. Anyway, I confess that I was not mad at him at all. Only that I was not sure how things were turning out.
We joined the highway. I was getting free and easy with him. We started laughing together over what had happened and was happening. At that point, the desire came, to steal a kiss. I stole it and stole it again. He was on the wheel. Just then he lost control. We hit the trailer on the side and the impact caused us to roll. I can`t remember what happened next.
Now that you know, tell me, how is he doing? Please tell me where he is.
Even after I have told you all this… please talk me!
© Mercy Barasa