Illicit by Alex Mutua

One

(Mr. Njogu the mechanic read it. He is sited at watching the sky. His boss, Luke Markarius sees him.)

Njogu: (whispering to himself) Mundu, Ngai fafa, what are these clowns up to.

Markarius: Njogu what is it? You are not working and you are talking to yourself.

Njogu: Gatheti, boss, MPs are on it again, millioni imwe, tax free! Rehe gatheti iyo!

Markarius: We are used to that we business men…it is one of the old clichés!

Njogu: Crichi ni nduu, do you know the burden we are carrying? Mkenya  mdharendo?

Markarius: I know, I know. (Looks at the paper.)

Njogu: Dhukuru are being closed, thigari are asking for more, na university want more bread.

Markarius: Wait we see, treasury can not allow that to happen (thoughtful).

Njogu: Mani…Anything can happen ia, kwari, maize scandal, na anglo leasing. Na mwabatha – porti. Yaani guku, anything can happen, si they bought Ocampo na bia cia Kenya, where is he?

Markarius: Njogu, you know so much, where do you get all that?

Njogu: Media cia ghetto and they want too to control redio too…aguruki, MPs are mad…me ndiui! But in my life time I might not make a million…

Markarius: Its time to vote with conscious and conscience …for the draft Njogu.

Njogu: (laughing) ha! Ha! Ha! Boss… I am thinking twice this time, see what happen last time we voted.

Markarius: I’m proud to be a Kenyan…

Njogu: Eh! Good for you…Na we are now citizen ma East Africa…

Markarius: Yah that reminds me, we need to extend our wings, there is hope.

Njogu: Then you err… increase my Salo…boss. Maisha hii ya Kenya has sky rocketed.

Markarius: What…but I increased your salary last month to 12000bob!

Njogu: Mwathani!  Ksh12, 000 versus ksh1, 000, 000. Tell me, can’t you see some weirdness, boss?

Markarius: Me.  Luke Markarius. Add you more money! The budget doesn’t even recognize small time traders, Njogu.

Njogu: Al-shaabab are employing Kenyan bothi…see! I have an option.

Markarius: What are you saying, Njogu? (angry voice)

Njogu: Weeh! Si hata gava na kanitha wali intermarry na Mugiki… see boss ino ni Kenya njeru.

Markarius: Wait, this is not funny.

Njogu: Tunatesana, tunauana, tunapendana  na kura…tuna vote…that’s funny boss.

Markarius: That your head is bloody heavy, aren’t you afraid of dying of burden?

Njogu: I have a seven year old politician son and a four year old daughter who want to be a sexy model.

Markarius: Oh my gosh, Njogu!

Njogu: She said that to me, kartuni…cuando seas mia soaps…this TV is killing a young minds.

Markarius: Then ban the machine from your house. (Throwing hands up.)

Njogu: Have tried but my wife deprived me my conjugal err… rights boss.

Markarius: Ha ! Ha! Ha!

Njogu: Bothi. Mwathani…what is funny?

Markarius: Your wife…what is she?

Njogu: She calls herself the liberated ‘woman’ (laughing) and freed by the constitution rights.

Markarius: Go back to work; equality is knocking the door.

Njogu: But I punched her a little, muruthi wa nyumba it’s me! That African law stands!

Markarius: Haiya!

©Alex Mutua 2010

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