Celebrating East African Writing!

Soliloquy of a typical Nairobian snob by H.I. Hussein

Photo by Jerry Riley. Click on image or Visit to see more pictures of Kenya

Is this what my life has come to? Boarding beat matatus and brushing shoulders with filthy hawkers? A KAS for God’s sake-that must have been from a decade ago!

No, this isn’t me. I am a cool, suave and intelligent undergraduate-and I don’t understand why these stupid employers can’t sift class from the trash CVs that they receive daily! Well, their loss.

Crap! I still have like five months till we open school-if ever! That was so not my fault, I still can’t believe that they put me up on the suspended list .Honestly, do I look like someone who could organize and mobilize drunken 20 yr olds to strike against the administration over some rigging. I was winning! Why would I need to strike against my inevitable victory? Dumb ass blondes!

Hey! How could I forget Ochieng still owes me! Who else, but yours truly of course, would have the vision and temerity to get the final exam questions from right under Dr.Situmbas nose. He he it’s been a year and it still cracks me up! I mean who could be so stupid as to send his student to bring a forgotten blackboard marker from his office with the questions just sitting pretty on his desk. Well? Dr.Situmba I guess. And I gave them to Ochieng. Ochieng! Thank God he had the intelligence to be stupid in the first place otherwise I’d still be kicking myself for ever sharing them with him. All I have to do is hold that over his head and bam, I am in his father’s law firm. God, he’s so easy-“my name, my character, my dad”. Some sham of integrity he’s always preaching about: who cares? That’s just for the poor and losers.

So all I need is to get that internship and it’s on baeby. No more KAS matatus and lice-ridden foul smelling charcoal-teethed cockroaches in the name of touts. God, I so don’t belong here!

Pick up the phone, you little pig!

All I need is just a slight opening and its first class from here onwards. The new BMW 2011 3 Series Sedan then I’m so dumping that little Njeri pest. I mean who the hell does she thinks she is, trying to attach herself to me. She’s not fit enough to polish my Italian designer loafers. God, they’re so sharp, arent they?!

Why isn’t he picking up his phone? Probably still in bed, had a late night with Rachel. What did she ever see in him? Women!

Pick up! Pick up! OK, calm down dude. It’s Ochieng, remember? Take a deep breath. ”Lovely roses, shiny dollars”. Right, we’re still cool, suave and collected. God, am so fine, I impress myself sometimes!

Finally, “Ochieng, my brother, I’m sure you’re great as always. So I was wondering if we could meet up soon: I have a business proposition that I’m sure would be to your interest. Friday lunch at Galitos all right? See you then!”

© H.I. Hussein

If you would like this piece to be the Story of the Week, please vote below on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being weak, and 10 being excellent. The numbers will be tallied on Friday and the story with the highest figure shall be Crowned Story of the Week. Be sure to fill in your name and verifiable email. You can include your critique/comment after the vote.


5 comments on “Soliloquy of a typical Nairobian snob by H.I. Hussein

  1. kyt
    August 17, 2010

    galitos it is, 8.


  2. Raymond Bett
    August 18, 2010

    I can picture so many people with this story everytime I am in town. I would give u a 7. Keep it up.


  3. ndegwa wathote
    August 18, 2010

    well told.6 it is


  4. wnagi mureithi
    September 29, 2010

    well told and very interesting. Want to know what happened after that……i give a 8.


    September 16, 2011

    cool , urbane and full of suave. your style is racy ,laced with a deliberate sense of self importance.totally honest , nothing is withheld,truthful .its easy to hold to every word until the end . a commendable effort. i think hate is fuel to write like true a literary czar! 9 /10


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