Celebrating East African Writing!

Long distance relationships, a license to cheat? By ADAM vs EVE

EVE says: Long distance relationships, a license to cheat.

Let us be honest. The reason men cheat on their partners is, that they never think they will be caught. Put a distance between you and your man, and he has the license to cheat. Men have trouble staying faithful to their partners while living under the same roof, what about when at a ‘safe’ distance from you?

Granted, trust is very important for any relationship, but men cannot be trusted. You risk dealing with an unfaithful partner if yours is a long distance relationship, so do it at your own risk. It requires rules, and blind trust. So when you are alone at night, you trust that your partner is as lonely as you are. When you are thinking about him, and yearning for his touch, you hope that he is not touching someone else. What a fallacy!

Let us not sugarcoat long distance relationships with emotions of undying love, trust bla bla bla. A man only belongs to you when you are with him. His faithfulness is not a guarantee. Women have ‘waited’ for their lovers only to be tossed aside or dumped over the phone. What is worse, some have got the ‘message’ when the silence becomes too loud!

Men always try to justify their infidelity. In the mind of a man, being unfaithful is only natural since you are not there to meet his sexual needs. He, will not go without sex for that long, and thinks that is quite reasonable; afterall you are miles away and will not find out. Bingo! If by chance the relationship between him, and the other woman becomes more than just sexual, then you are out, and she is in. Tough luck!

Every woman should know what they are getting into, before going for a long distance relationship. It is not easy and needs a lot of work. It requires constant communication, and that both of you be occupied – an empty mind is the devil’s workshop.

Most importantly, this relationship could make couples grow emotionally apart. So, does absence make the heart grow fonder, or does it make the heart grow fainter? Listen out to a change in tone when he is talking to you. Watch out for dwindling phone calls, short and detached conversations, bland emails or messages. Adams are very sly, be ready for any eventuality.

ADAM replies: Long distance relationships are here to stay

1890s: The building of the Kenya Uganda railway. A convoy of male labourers leave their homeland in India, to work in a foreign land called Kenya. Some of them get married (to locals and to their imported women), and leave their families in Nairobi as they go to work in Kisumu, Uganda. Roles are defined, and duties known. Long distance relationships thrive, and no one complains.

World War 1 & 2: Numerous soldiers and medics heed the call of duty and honour to defend their countries’ sovereignty. They leave their families behind and, some never come back. The era of letter writing takes deep roots in this generation. The film industry makes a kill out of distant relationships, and how the human spirit can thrive in any given situation.

1950s to 60s. Kenya. Nairobi. Mombasa. Countless villagers walk out of their sleepy abodes in search of work in urban centres. They leave behind young mothers and toddlers. Annual trips back to the villages, especially during Christmas, become a ritual that has withstood the test of time. Again long distance relationships are maintained with, or without letter writing.

2010. Many students and professionals leave their countries and loved ones for further studies, and short contract jobs. Modern technology makes it more comfortable for those who are far apart. So what has changed? Nothing much, except that the female species has followed in the footsteps of their male counterparts. Long distance relationships are here to stay, and as long as mankind does not improve in certain areas, the trend will continue.

A few examples:

That online dating sites (eHarmony, okCupid, Lavalife, Plenty of Fish, Matchdotcom etc) are amongst the most popular, shows that there is something that human beings are looking for that they cannot find in people next to them. That you do not know, or have never met half of the ‘friends’ you have on your Facebook profile, also raises more questions. How many of us ever query the unknown friend requests on Facebook? We never mind as long as our list of friends is long. Why?

Human being is a love freak, who is in love with the self and not the partner. They are innately selfish, narcissists. Proof? The number of extremely beautiful women married to extremely ugly men? Reasons? Quote: “He makes me feel like a woman!” Nothing to do with feelings or emotions.

Another example of human being’s love for freedom and space: would you work in the same place or office, with your partner? Most people would answer to an emphatic no because they want their space, by living their lives as far apart as possible. So, how far is far, when you practically see and talk to a person thousands of miles away, on a daily basis. And as long as you feel nice and warm on the inside, who cares? The rest, as they say, are details.

First Published in East Africa in Focus

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