Celebrating East African Writing!


Written by Stephanie Bommet

Later that morning at around half past ten, there were schemes being plotted. Alexandra felt something nudge her by the shoulder.

Alexandra: Hm.

Maxine: (whispering) Lexxie

Alexandra:hmm … mm…

The rest were giggling.

Alexandra: Shh…

Bill: Alex…

Alex: (mumbling) what? (Turning slowly to wake up)

SPLASH!!  As a jug full of water was poured on her face and Jerry blew his vuvuzela near her.

Alexandra: MOTHER..!! FUCK! She noticed everyone laughing and started smiling. ‘Fuck.’

All: Happy bathday!

Dan: Way to turn eighteen huh…

Alexandra: Bitches! (Turning to Jerry) and nigga! Imma blow that thing up yours! What! Talk about a wake-up call. Mann, I thought it was the end of the world. I could have sworn I saw the light.

Jack: Sa breakfast… (He was holding a whole Jack Daniels)

Maxine: Really?! (Pointing at the booze and everyone laughed)

Jack: Ai. Si the day is already halfway. Bado time ya mututho. Plus there is a reason I was named Jack, pun intended.

Darlton: Mann, mututho ni eleven ya usiku si ya mchana.

Jerry: Haiya. birthday breakfast. Birthday girl, in the kitchen!

Alexandra: ati! Dude, I can just walk home and get food. ebu na watu wajipange. Are there sausages kwanza?

Jack: e-eh…but tulizimada jana usiku.

Everyone laughed.

Alexandra: Basi kuna nini? (walking into the kitchen, followed behind by Jerry, Dana and Sandra)

Dana: Bread.

Sandra: Hakuna blueband (opening the margarine container) na maziwa.

Jerry: (chucks cash from his pocket and hands it to Sandra) Utaenda kubuy?

Sandra: Sawa.

Sandra leaves as Maxine and Daniel walk in. Alexandra sits herself on the kitchen counter. Dana puts out some water for tea to boil.

Dan: Si jana was epic!

Alexandra: Totally! Kwanza that second club. Damn! si those three ‘white-extremely light-skinned’ chiqs, the ones grinding by the dj’s bar and on the stage.

Jerry: ‘Triplets’

Daniel: Those chiqs were cwaezy!!!

Alexandra: and plastics

Dan: meaning…

Alex: not real. Those chiqs, so fake ama you were just too busy on their asses to notice that lady gaga’s glam squad did some serious work on them.

Dana: Stop hating.

Alexandra: What! Its true! (acting defensively). And that light-skinned …the one in the first club who was literally begging you to stay.

Dana: That, …was not the worst part. Did you see how he was dancing around me??

Alexandra: like some kind of bushman doing the rain dance or something.

(they were all dying with laughter).

Jerry: Si you guys are haters. That dude was getting his game on.

Alexandra: Game on with what, the Thunder God because dayuumm, that was some ritual.

Daniel: Wah. Hater. I sometimes wonder how Ray even got you.

Alexandra: Ray never had me (her face went dead) .

Raymond was Alexandra’s ex who no one really knew what had happened as they had been together five months. It was between Alex and Ray. Ray had been begging her to take him back but Alexandra had totally shutdown on him. It had been three months since and Alex seemed happy that way, single.

Bill: (shouting) Nyi mnapika ama mna gossip mwende mjoin wale wamama wa soko.

Dana: Kwenda. unaona ka sisi ni maids.

Bill walked in and grabbed Dana by the waist.

Bill: (to Dana) you would look awesome in the black and white uniform (he pecks her).

Dana: (pushing him away and turning to pour the boiling water in a sufuria) Haiya!

Just then, Sandra walks in with a paper bag. Raymond following close behind. Slight awkward silence.

Dan: (shoulder bumping him) Vipi!

Jerry: Sema. ni church umetoka?

Raymond: Yeah.

Bill chucks a weed joint from his trouser back pocket, takes a matchstick and lights it.

Dana: (dragging Bill out of the kitchen and directing Sandra) pour the milk and tea leaves. Lemme sort out the sitting room.

Jerry: Dude .. you been lost.

Dan: Yeah. kwanza today is Lexxie’s birthday.

Raymond: (to Alexandra) Happy Birthday

Alexandra lightly smiles as she takes the tea leaves to measure. Half an hour later, Sandra is placing the bread on the sitting room table and sits on the carpet. Jerry and Dan were busy playing race car, nfs most wanted on the PS while Darlton, Jack, Raymond and Alexandra were busy shouting rooting for one or the other. Bill, Jerry’s older brother by two years was sitted on the couch beside Dana and they were busy arguing on moral issues, Fred pitching in here and there.

Fred: (randomly) Happy birthday Alex.

Alex: Thanks.

Jack: Shots!!

Alexandra: What! (slowly moving away from them) Noooo! No, no, no, no, no, no!!! Am good thank you.

Dan: Shots!

And suddenly everyone else was chanting the word.

Alex: No! This time Jerry and Darlton each held a hand. ‘Come on! … Jerry .. I am gonna kill you’ She started kicking and Dan and Fred grabbed her legs. The rest laughing. ‘mmm’ She shook her head her eyes and mouth tightly shut.

Jack: Hata ukifunga macho! (he grips her jaws forcing her mouth open) . Where’s that vodka?

Bill grabs a bottle which was by the t.v and gets an empty glass. The guys place her in an upright position. ‘Open wide!’ pushing the glass to her mouth and Alex is forced to take two quick gulps.

Alexandra: Fuck!

Jerry: (laughing) It would have been easier if you just agreed at the start.

Jack: Another one.

Alexandra: (laughing then acting up a serious face) I am gonna kill you peeps!

Ray: (laughing) let’s let her go at least apumzike kiasi. They all let her go and she landed hard on the couch. Settling round the table, they all grabbed mugs and slices of bread.

Bill: Ray, siku mob. Umetoka kutuombea church?

Jack: Na bado Tash huenda huko?

Dana scoffs.

Jack: Ai Dana. Juu ye ni lezzie ndiyo unahate.

Raymond: Church ilikuwa poa. Kwanza youth bible study. Mnafa kucome. Tash yuko poa, still attending faithfully, na dem wake.

All the dudes faces turned to him.

Jerry: Warrr!!!??

Raymond: Some fly mama Tash comes to church with called Sly, ati bff.

Alexandra: Sly, as in Dj Sly. Short, slim chicka, flaming red-hot colored braids.

Raymond: Yeah.

Bill: Maze Alex kumbe unajua hawa watu.

Alexandra: unaongea ni ka lesbians ni species ingine (chuckling). Haujawahi come dance practice yetu.

Jack: Kumbe hiyo ndiyo mnaita inamake sense juu nilikuwa na shuku Denno. lezbo meeting.

Alexandra: kwenda. ni serious practice. Dennis is so straight, ni kupenda tu dance. na vile tu Tash ni lezzie so def ana friends lez huwa wana visit, support. And what makes you think they would have any interest in you guys.

Jack: a-ah.. si hivyo. Tunataka tu umarifiki. na ona vile umeweka, ati ‘support’, hata umefanya wasound ni kama cult. Dennis unajuaje ako straight (winking mischieviously) ulimjaribu?

Alexandra: Hii kitu ni professional and we act just that but unaweza visit umtest mwenyewe juu unasema ni lezbo meeting.

Jack: (smiling) Fala.

Everyone laughed.

©Stephanie Bommet 2011

If you would like this piece to be the Story of the Week, please vote below on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being weak, and 10 being excellent. The numbers will be tallied on Sunday 27th of March 2011 and the story with the highest figure shall be Crowned Story of the Week on Monday 28th March. Be sure to fill in your name and verifiable email. You can include your critique/comment after the vote.


One comment on “Effie

  1. LKP
    March 23, 2011

    I like it. Where’s the rest? 🙂


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