Social Media Flank

 

 

Written by Nico Barasa

 

We have all had bad dates, but this one is the mother of all bad dates. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays and how, truly, love is a battlefield.

 

We met on a social site, Facebook to be exact, exchanged some messages and pictures. She was a real gorgeous knockout, a student in one of the city’s universities (name withheld), a fantastic salsa dancer and I couldn’t wait to get to know her better. I was feeling like taking a break from exam studying. So after exchanging numbers, I figured that if I didn’t call her before exams were done I wouldn’t get a chance to see her until after the break (which would be too long perhaps). So I called her up and we set up a date for dinner in one of Nairobi’s finest restaurants (name withheld) during the weekend.

 

We were all dressed up and I had on some new clad with top notch shoes with leather soles. She was all stunning in her red outfit and together we looked like some scene in a romantic soap opera.All was going well until I decided that I needed some fresh ground pepper to spice up my stew…apparently the restaurant’s grinder hadn’t done its work too well because after three bites of my stew, I swallowed like half of the pepper balls and it got stuck in my throat. I hacked and hacked and my eyes teared up but I couldn’t get it out or down my throat and to make matters worse I developed a running nose.

 

She realised it so I excused myself to the men’s room and tried to hack it out…my eyes were so teary and I was dripping sweat all over my face…so I sat on the toilet seat ,loosened my tie , a few buttons and my shoe laces to cool down. Finally, I think the pepper had dissolved so I did my tie and the buttons but was in a hurry to get back to my date that I forgot to tie my shoe laces.

 

I walked back to my date with shame written all-over my face but I tried to hide it with a smile. I didn’t touch the remainder of the food and neither did she.

 

During dinner it must have rained outside because the stairs were kinda wet. As I was walking my date to the waiting cab I stepped on one of the untied shoe laces, slipped on the slippery stairs and reached out to keep my balance. I thought I had grabbed my date’s shoulder. Turns out I ripped her dress top off and her bra as well. We tumbled over each other to the end of the stairs. We had the cab man to help us but she ended up with a bruise on her left arm while I had to nurse a swelling on my head.

 

All this happened on the first date….no wonder we didn’t end up together.